A Syphilitic Hobo & A Proctologist Walk Into A Bar

Think of the Universe as your very own Personal Assistant. But not just any Personal Assistant, the BEST, SMARTEST, MOST CLEVER, INVENTIVE, MAGICAL, SEXIEST W/ GREAT SMELLING BREATH, Personal Assistant in the world. WHATEVER you tell them to do, they do, no questions asked, accept, don't ask them to do windows. As I found out, that's the one thing they will NOT do. Whatever Personal Assistant, you think you're better than me? But I digress...

The thing about this magical P.A. is that they respond to what you think about. If you think about abundance (without resistance), they will give you more of that. If you think about lack, they will give you more of that. They don't judge what you think about, they just give you more of it. AND because this P.A. is so perfect, you don't need to know HOW he/she will give you what you want or make what you want happen, seriously, don't even try, just know, if you want it and have no resistance to getting it, then it shall be.

I'm working on feeling abundant. Last night I went out and decided that in my head (okay a warning; this is gonna sound crazy, like seriously, like, "holy crap, Julie has lost her mind" kind of crazy, like, being found wandering in a grocery store naked babbling about the end of the world, crazy.) But in my head I decided that I was a wealthy doctor, specifically a proctologist. I walked around thinking, "I'm abundant, because I check men's assholes for money, all day". And at first it was awesome. I looked in store windows and thought, I could buy that if I wanted to or I'm pay for my friends dinner, because I'm a wealthy Proctologist!

Butt (pun intended) then I started thinking, "wow, being a proctologist is a drag, nobody likes their Proctologist. No one ever say's, "Hey I'm gonna go see my Proctologist today,Yipee!! I love my Proctologist!" So I had to stop.

ANYWAY, my point is...my point is...what is my point? Oh, I know, be careful what you wish for? No, that's not it. My point is be grateful for what you have, well that's nice I guess, but that's not really my point. My point is, I don't really have one, but I do recommend, pretending.

Pretend in your head you already have what you want. Feel what it would be like. Hey it's Halloween, what better time to pretend? Just don't pretend you're an syphilitic hobo (that's MY costume this year).

You want better health? Pretend you are healthy. You want money? Pretend you have money. You want to be a Proctologist? Pretend you are, IN YOUR HEAD, not for reals because you could get in a shit-load (pun not intended) of trouble. Do all of this pretending in your skull.

If you want financial abundance, put on a nice outfit, walk around expensive stores, feel like you belong there. OR if you are in pain, go to the gym, feel healthy. Feeling anxious? Wrap an orange sheet around yourself then go to the airport and chant. do whatever you need to do to feel what it would be like to have what you want to have, s'all I'm sayin'.

I Can't Think Of A Clever Post Heading

I've been listening to Dr. Wayne Dyer lately. He's really terrific, I mean REALLY FUCKING great.  He suggested as an experiment, hold an image of anything, a feather, a kitten, a penny, whatever you want, in your imagination. Hold that image in your mind, surround it with love and light, if you do this several times, he says, the thing you were putting your attention to will begin showing up in your life.  I'm gonna try it. 

I'm gonna hold the image of a one hundred dollar bill in my head, yep, a crisp new one hundred dollar bill and I'll surround it with (insert several 'eye rolls' here) "light" and "love" whatever  and we'll friggen' see if this shit works, yes we will friggen' see. 

Okay I just did it and nuthin! THIS IS BULL SHIT! Where is my one hundred dollar bill, Dr. Wayne Dyer??? You know what? I think Dr. Wayne Dyer owes me $100! Don't you? But you know what is weird? I'm surrounded by kittens, feathers and pennies, what the??? (Insert 'winky face' emoticon here. I would type it in, you know, using the semi-colon and  right parenthesis , but I'm way to cool to do that)

Alright, be serious Perkins, actually I'm going to choose to focus on something frivolous, because if I focus on money then that feeling of lack creeps in (force of habit) and I know that doesn't work. So I'm gonna choose to focus on something whimsical, cause there is nothing that I like more than whimsy! (Say the word 'whimsy' using a pretentious English accent in a sentence and it's hysterical! Seriously, try it at parties and you can't lose)

I'm gonna focus on ribbons. I like ribbons, ribbons are fun and I even like to say the word ribbons. So I gotta go focus on some ribbons. I'll let you know when they start showing up.

Namaste bitches!

Vibrators

Are you a vibrator?  No I’m not talking about the kind your hide in your bedside table (although, those are GREAT). I’m talking about YOU, are YOU a vibrator? The answer is yes. Everyone is. EveryTHING is.

As you know from high school science, everything is vibrating, nothing is solid. It’s just our perception of these vibrations that determines how we experience anything. A rock? Not solid, it's just sub-atomic particles vibrating at a certain speed to give the illusion of being solid. Water? Moving particles as well, just vibrating/moving at a different speed than said rock, and we perceive water as liquid.

In the same way a rock or water is vibrating, so are our thoughts, more accurately our feelings. Our feelings ABOUT our thoughts or what we are thinking.  Positive thoughts which trigger positive feelings vibrate at a higher speed or ‘level’ than negative thoughts and feelings.

Think of  vibrations as a magnet, when two magnets are alike they are drawn to eachother. Same with Vibrations. LOA says, LIKE attracts LIKE. When you vibrate at a high level, that is to say, you have positive thoughts and feelings then more of those same thoughts and feelings (vibrations) are attracted to you. This works the same of course with negative thoughts and feelings.

I’m sure if you think about it you can pin point times in your life where it seems everything was going your way and then the times in your life when everything seemed to go wrong. It’s all vibrations baby!

So the trick is to feel good as often as possible. Sounds simple or maybe it doesn’t. When we are looking at “reality” and see something that is displeasing and therefore sending out a negative vibe or you just feel plain shitty, it’s not always easy to just change that thought or feeling instantly. It does take practice. There are methods suggested by Esther Hicks that I will get into at another time. Me? I’m getting better and better at being able to quickly if not instantly change my thoughts the more I do it. What are the ways you change your thoughts?

One way I deliberately change my thoughts is to take a nap, or listen to music, call a friend or watch kitten videos, curl my hair, go to Trader Joes (I friggen love Trader Joes). I also tell myself, everything is OKAY and I believe it.

Law Of Attractions says that everything is working out for you whether you know it or not. I now believe this. I didn’t always, but since I’ve started this whole Year Of Living Blah Blah Blah, I do.  And the best part of this BELIEVING is that I don’t need to KNOW HOW shit will work out, I just know that it will and that it will work out in a way that I could never have imagined.

Trust me on this. Don’t even try to figure out how this or that will work itself out. I promise you, you WON”T be able to do it as good as the universe. “But” you say, “But, there is no POSSIBLE way that this ‘thing’ going wrong will work out, no possible way! I mean, it’s done, the die has been cast, etc, etc”. I respectfully say to you, you are WRONG. If you hold positive thoughts, ‘it ‘( meaning your problem, or issue, or whatever) will work out in a way that you never imagined. Truly, I’ve said it before, it looks, tastes and feels like magic now with and now with more absorbency!

So are you a vibrator? Yes, are you a deliberate vibrator? Maybe. Once you become a deliberate vibrator and practice feeling good as often as possible, oh and, this is important, be EASY about it all. IF you are feeling like the back end of an alley cat with worms and can’t seem to change it, that’s totally cool, relax, don’t feel bad about feeling bad. BUT when you can coerce or just stumble into a good feeling, hopefully you can hold it long enough that more good feelings like it will come, then you will be in your “Vortex” (AKA Your Happy Place) THEN, all you’ve been wanting will come. It is my promise to you.

There Are No 'What Ifs' only 'What You Want To Be's'

So there is a decision we (Chip & I) have to make. We have to DECIDE whether we accept a counter offer for a house we are looking to purchase. Of course the price they countered with is higher than we wanted to pay.

What do we do? Do we still buy it? What if we can't make the 'numbers' work? What if it's too much? What happens if the market goes bad? What if? What if? What if?  STOP!

That was the old me.

This is the new me. NONE of those questions matter, there are no 'what if's' there are only 'what I want to be's". In other words, all I need to do is make a decision and then LINE UP WITH IT!

LINE UP WITH IT! Julie, why are you yelling at us???! Sorry.  But what the f*ck does 'line up with it' mean anyway?

Aligning with what you want is easy, all you have to do is...NOTHING! Okay, that's not the exact truth. What you need to do is RELAX and be HAPPY and point your boat downstream (previous post).

Abraham through Esther Hicks would say, "Get into your VORTEX". This is the word that Abraham uses to describe Being In a place of excitement, joy and inspiration. Never make decisions unless you are in your VORTEX. Don't take actions, unless you are in your VORTEX. When you are in your VORTEX you are in ALIGNMENT with all of your desires.

To get into your VORTEX, take it easy. Look at things to appreciate. Be happy with what you have.      Feel abundant. Basically do whatever you need to do to be happy. If I'm having trouble getting into my Vortex, I sometimes take a nap. I have a friend she lights candles to get into her Vortex another takes a bath, one meets a friend for coffee. Another goes for a bike ride.

Whatever makes you happy do it and it's a promise, if you are in your vortex often enough, the things that you've been desiring, whatever it is, peace, health, inspiration, relationships, rubber bands, canned tuna, a house, whatever, will start coming to you. It's been happening to me, really, I'm not shitting you. It's actually kind of weirding me out.

Once you are happy, inspirations will come, decisions can be made, actions can be taken.

Take A Boat Ride Down-Stream With Annette

Whatever your belief is, is what is. Can I make this less clear?  Once I believed I needed to work a shit job to sustain my career as a writer/actor. I no longer believe that. NOW, I believe in Annette. WHATCHOOTALKIN 'BOUT WILLIS?

We all have a net. A big, bouncy, indestructible, pink (Well, mine is pink anyway) net. The trick is believing in the net. I've named my net, Annette, because I have no imagination whatsoever.

I have to keep reminding myself of Annette as I walk this high wire called life. (What, we're at the circus now?)

Last night I met this most lovely person, we'll call her Nikki, because that is what her parents named her and everyone calls her that, and when you say, "hey Nikki" she responds, so why would I mess with it? Anyway, Nikki said, "I quit my job, because I hated it, then I got scared and took my job back".

Query, should Nikki have taken her job back when she got scared? Probably. Because as long as she is under the belief that she needs the job (that she hates) then it becomes true.  She asked me, "when you quit your job, did you have a cushion of money?" whether I had a cushion of money is of no consequence. But the truth is, the cushion of money came almost immediately AFTER I began BELIEVING in the cushion of money. I know, this sounds all magical and crap, but I'm learning that the Law Of Attraction feels, sounds and tastes just like magic (Now with a New Indescribable Scent!).

Abraham, through Esther Hicks uses the stream analogy. There is this really strong current happening in all of our lives. We've built this stream with our desire & wanting. Everything we want is DOWN-STREAM but most people, she says, point their boats UP-STREAM and then begin paddling really hard.

Abraham says, point your boat DOWN-STREAM and not only should you point your boat down-stream, but then LET GO OF THE PADDLES. Since everything we want, whatever it is, joy, love, health, floss, travel, money, robot, WHATEVER you want is downstream.

Re-reading this post in retrospect I think I shouldn't have combined the 'Net' analogy, with the 'Stream' analogy, I mean nets and water don't exactly mix, ask any Dolphin. But screw it. I think you get what I'm throwing at ya.

So get in your boat with Annette, pack some sandwiches, load up your I-Pod with your favorite tunes, relax and enjoy the ride down-stream.

 

Let shit be what it is.

Letting shit be what it is. I love this new philosophy. It's so much easier than worrying about shit. I have to keep reminding myself, "oh, right, I forgot I don't have to worry about this shit, because I'm letting shit be what it is".

AND WHAT'S EVEN BETTER IS knowing that whatever the shit is, I'm not going to label it good or bad. It just is. I just accept the shit. Not only am I trying to accept the shit, but to be grateful for the shit. Daz right, GRATEFUL! Don't be hatin' on me yo.

Just today some shit happened and I had to remind myself (several times), that the shits okay! I don't need to worry that we need to spend blank amount of money doing this shit for the house. I don't need to worry that we're shit minutes late for our writer's group. I don't need to worry that I parked in a shit spot now I have to pay a shit fine.

SHITS ALL OKAY YO! CAN'T YA JUST SMELL THE JOY IN IT??

Working On not Working Is Working

I've been working on not working and it's working. What I mean to say is I've decided not to take action unless I feel INSPIRED to.

I write. Sometimes I don't feel like writing. I would feel bad. I used to force myself to write. Now I wait to feel inspired to write. I feel good. I'm writing more now than I ever did before. When I want to write, but don't feel inspired to write, I go to a coffee shop, because there, I always feel inspired to write. I don't know what it is, maybe it's the 'vibe', but it usually works.

I suppose what I'm doing now that I didn't do before this project was, I struggled. I don't struggle now. Sometimes, my old instincts rear their ugly head and say things like, "you should be working HARDER, you should be doing MORE. If there isn't pain involved, be it psychic or physical, then you aren't DOING enough!"

Then I remind myself that since I quit my shit job and started The Year Of Living blah, blah, blah, I've created MORE and done MORE and felt HAPPIER than I have in a really, really long time.

I'm gonna keep working on not working.

Closets, Wolves, Princesses & Rent, A Fairy Tale.

My Law Of Attraction Mettle has really been tested lately.

So we are buying the Lynn St. house(s) (there are two on a lot). It's been a long process from offer to actual purchase. The money is now in Escrow and we can start pissing off our new neighbors as soon as Thursday afternoon.

I'm just gonna say this, buying a property from a bank isn't for the faint of heart. There are permits that have to be checked and re-checked, then checked again because the inspector of Health and Safety says that this part of the house was an illegal addition. BUT then this other inspector over from some other part of the City in a totally different part of town says that one part of the addition is okay but the other part isn't and that we need to go to ANOTHER part of town  to find out from this OTHER inspector to see what THEY think of whatever it is we're discussing and unfortunately THAT inspector is out having shoulder surgery.

All that and not to mention the ever present phone calls about "somethings wrong with the foundation" OR "The current tenants lease is wrong and you might owe them a lot of money", etc, etc. It got to the point that every time the phone rang we held our breath.

I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING! "Hey Perk, didn't you take that as a sign?" and I say, "YES I DID!" a sign that I shouldn't worry about ANY of it. And I am thrilled, nay proud to announce that I didn't. Worry that is.

Each call about this issue or that issue would come in. I'd watch my husband freak out, but I stayed calm. I kept thinking, "everything is working out for me, whether I know it or not and my ONLY job is to stay calm, joyful and not worry".  Yes, I did the necessary actions that needed to be done to remedy whatever issue was at hand. But I did each action happily and trusted that in the end, no matter what the outcome, everything is working out for me (us). Can I just tell you? It has, boy and how. We did the final walk-thru today.

Please indulge me, I'm going to share one specific situation which is my evidence that LOA is at work. Mind you, there are many instances where this kind of thing happened, but this is my favorite.

The Walk-in Closet Story
     There once was a lovely walk-in closet, his name was Christopher, Christopher Walk-in. Christopher was     a happy, dutiful closet. Throughout the years he had care of many precious items for varied tenants of the one-bedroom cottage he lived in.  Proud was Christopher, because he was the only closet in all the house, this fact made him extra special.

    One day a big bad wolf inspector came in and told the soon to be new owners of the cottage, by the way,  it should be mentioned  that the new owners are a very handsome Prince and his Beautiful, wise, kind, not at all stuck up, Princess.  Anyway, so the Prince and the Princess were told by the inspector wolf that they would have to blow little Christopher Walk-in down because he was illegal.  "Ill egal" Christopher sounded out the foreign word, "what does illegal mean"? he asked the Prince and the Princess. "It means that you were born after the cottage was built and therefore the footprint of the house was altered without the city's permission and now the city is telling us that you are a bastard closet and need to go live with the other illegal bastard closets in the sky".

     Christopher was dumbstruck. He didn't know what to say. All his cupboard friends tried to comfort him,  to no avail. Finally the Princess, being the kind gentle, loving, gentle, kind, pretty, pretty and kind, gentle person she was, said to him, "Little Christopher, don't worry your pretty little interior light about anything, I will make everything okay". "How?", asked Christopher, "I'll use my magic", said the Princess. "Magic?" he queried. "Yes, magic" said she. "There is no such thing as magic" pressed Christopher, "Shut up! Do you want me to save you or WHAT, sheesh, can't anyone just trust a gal?", shouted the Princess for she was getting this kind of flack from others whenever she would tell them not to worry.

     The Princess, true to her word, decided that she loved the closet and that without the closet, the house would suck and no one would want to rent it and dammit they needed that rent! She concluded, that the wolf inspectors were full of wolf-crap and what the heck do they know  anyhow? She kept thinking, "the closet will stay, I know it will", she said this until it became a true knowing.

    One day the pretty, pretty Princess made the mistake of telling the Prince and their Realtor that she had a feeling the closet was not going to have to be murdered. They both jumped down her throat, "yes it will! The inspector said it! You can't vibrate your way into this one Julie, blah, blah, blah". Afterwards the wise Princess learned to shut her yap when it came to her special powers.

     One day (today in fact)The Prince and Princess got a call saying that the measurements of the closet were wrong and that Christopher Walk-in was in fact not illegal and would be allowed to live. And so the Princess said that everyone who didn't have faith in her ability to attract what she wants can suck it and they all lived happily ever after, the end.

   

How Can You Make Yourself Happy Today?

My lovely friend Yael, who, by the way, was an inspiration to me in deciding to quit my job, gave me a tool in staying joyful. When she awakes in the morning, she asks herself, "How can I make myself happy today?". What a lovely question to ask oneself.

I asked myself this question today and my first thought was, "I don't have time to make myself happy". Whoa. That immediate response surprised me. Me! The gal who is all about 'living joyously' (while reading that, please don a mocking tone). Then I thought, if my response to that question is, "I don't have time" then maybe others would  have a similar response. 

No time to make myself happy? P'shaw. What time does it take to listen to fun music while I clean? How much time does it take to light a candle to have on my desk while I write? How much time does it take to treat myself to the organic raspberries? What time does it take to masturbate? HA! Surprised you with that one, didn't I? (15 min.'s is the answer by the way).

The point is, there are many simple ways we can make ourselves feel a little happier. I would love if you would share some with me.

Developing New Instincts & My Balls Are Still Dropping

I've been 'dropping the ball' lately and this is a GOOD thing.

'Dropping The Ball' is my astoundingly clever analogy for  describing how quitting my job was an act of me letting go of my resistance.

The JOB was the BALL and HOLDING onto the ball was my RESISTANCE. When I let the 'ball' go, it ALLOWED The Law Of Gravity to work it's magic. So, the Law Of Gravity is just like The Law Of Attraction- ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS RIDICULOUSLY, CONVOLUTED METAPHOR? I know, this makes no sense whatsoever.

Okay, just know that the BALL= JOB and  HOLDING = RESISTANCE and DROPPING = ALLOWING.

So now I have no balls. WAIT, WHAT?!  No, so now I have no ball/job and that is a good thing, unless I want to play basketball or some game requiring a ball then I'm kinda screwed, but I digress...

It's all about ALLOWING. Letting go of our resistance and allowing what we want to come into our lives. I've been working on doing this consistently since I started the Year Of Living Joyously Experiment and it seems to be working.

Lately, I've been getting unsolicited phone calls for acting jobs (I worked with an amazing director yesterday) and I've had two agents contact me. Understand, that these were all unsolicited. I mean, I didn't have to do anything. Rather, I didn't have to do any physical actions to make these opportunities arise.*

All I did was put the thoughts, "I want acting jobs" and "I want an agent" out there and trust that the Manager (LOA) was working on it. I guess the only 'work' I had to do was (& is) to keep my vibrations high, which means, stop worrying, look for things to appreciate and feel abundant. Basically ALLOW the things I want to come to me.

UPDATE
At the very beginning of this project, Chip (my husband) and I had seen this one house that we really loved but it was $150,000 more than we thought we could afford, let's call the the Finch House. Then (you may recall) after a week the Finch House dropped $80,000. Closer to what we wanted, but still too high. But I didn't let that knowledge deter me, I trusted the MANAGER and didn't think too much more about it, except when I would have fun imagining the parties we'd have, etc.

THEN we were made aware of another property (we'll call this the Lynn House), that is even MORE what we are looking for. We made and offer on the Lynn House and it was accepted. At the moment we are still in the process of negotiations.

Okay, so back to the the Finch House. Yesterday we received an email saying the owner of said Finch House is desperate and will accept ANY offer. We could probably name our own price. When we first saw Finch, we could never have envisioned how the whole thing would play out.

Before I began the YOLJ project, my old instinct would be to think, "we could never afford this".  But the NEW me is developing NEW instincts and thinks, "I love this house and we could live in it if we want to and I'm not gonna worry how it may happen".

Now we CAN live in that house, the question is, do we still WANT to.

I have to admit that lately I'm feeling so confident in how the Universe works that I want to see if I can vibrate my way into an even BETTER place. The Lynn House is a better place, but who knows, maybe an even more fabulous place will come up.

I just want to 'be' and 'allow' and have fun watching the manifestations come. And in the meantime I'm gonna keep dropping my balls!

* When and If I do, do any physical actions, I wait for an inspiration to do so, therefore it's fun and pleasing, not doesn't feel like work.

The Thought Police & Go General

Is the Universe a type of Thought Police? No, but it feels like it.

There is a noise, at first, faint in the distance, it could be the whine of an alley cat, but it soon  becomes louder thus establishing itself as a siren of sorts. Suddenly blasts of red light cut through the windows, illuminating the dark room in brief splashes of crimson. Where to hide? In an instant, the door bursts open, several dark figures dressed in riot gear fill the space. "Hey!" I think. "They didn't even wipe their feet and THAT is just not cool!" A gloved hand reaches into my hiding place, grabbing a hold of my left platform sandal, it comes free from my foot. I hear the intruders laugh, "what is this?". Now I'm angry. No one makes fun of my platform sandals. Emerging from under the sofa, I scream"THEY MAKE ME LOOK LONGER OF LEG, WHILE NOT HURTING MY BUNION!"  The 'team' laughs harder. "Longer of leg" say's one disdainfully and then spits. "Who ARE you?" I manage to squeak out. "We are the LOA Thought Police", they speak in unison. "We constantly monitor what you are thinking  and we detected a negative thought, change it OR ELSE!".

Knowing how the Universe works, that I create my own reality by what I think and how I feel, can be a burden of sorts.

When one is having difficulty thinking positive thoughts, Abraham tells us through Esther Hicks* To GO GENERAL. To Go General means, if you are thinking thoughts that are negative or you're in a space of non-allowing, think instead, general, non-specific thoughts like, "Oh isn't that a nice comb-over on that old man" or "Wow I just farted and no one seemed to notice" or "My farts smell like flowers, flowers made of farts". Stuff like that.

So if you're feeling like you are being watched by the Thought Police, Go General.

*If you are curious who Abraham is, you can Google it.

I Ain't Tryin' To Hear Dat

Our offer was accepted on a house. We were in a bidding competition with two other buyers. The agent said we were the lowest offer. I didn't care. I decided that THE BEST MANAGER IN THE UNIVERSE (LOA) was on it and I didn't need to do anything except relax. I trusted that whether we got the house or not, everything is working out for us. Our offer was accepted. How is this possible seeing as we were the lowest of three offers? I believe it was Law Of Attraction at work.

Now , because this isn't a typical sale (I won't bore you with details) our fantastic, but overly cautious Realtor, Brian  feels he needs to inform us of EVERYTHING that could go wrong before closing. And like the rap artist I quoted once before and whose name I don't know, said, "I ain't tryin' to hear dat".

We were on speaker phone with Brian t'other day and when he started his 'what could go wrong' diatribe, I walked away letting Chip handle it. He asked me to come back. He said, "you need to hear this too". I listened, but was desperately trying NOT to. Remember?  I'm trying to keep my head in the clouds.

Does this make sense to you? I feel I don't need to know what MIGHT go wrong. I'm counting on everything going RIGHT. Knowing what might go wrong, just puts WRONG in my vibration and then those negative thoughts can begin to niggle at me and make me anxious, so now I've got ANXIETY & WRONG in my vibration and what I want  is EASE & FLOW. Like attracts like.

LOA says we are mostly vibrational beings and the universe responds to that (vibrations). You feel anxious? Well the universe is very cooperative and will give you more of that. Then of course if you feel ease, the universe being it's wonderful cooperative self, gives you more of that.

EASE & FLOW is how I'm going to deal with this. When Brian & Chip start worrying about this or that. I'm going to trust the MANAGER is on it and that I have nothing to worry about. Everything is working out for me. I don't need to know the details, I just need to feel easy. Stay tuned, I'll let you know how it goes.

So Long Lefty

A friend who reads my blog suggested that I've moved away from the original intent of my blog, which,  as he saw it, was to write about what I was DOING to manifest what I want in my life and then also to report on the manifestations. He thinks I'm not really doing much of that. I agree.

There are many ways the writers of Law Of Attraction, Jerry & Esther Hicks suggest manifesting what you want. But for today, I will concentrate on one, Deliberate Focusing. Deliberate Focusing  means to consciously get into the FEELING of what it would be like to have what one wants.  One thing I want is to have a studio produce my feature length comedy, So Long Lefty.

So for today I will imagine being on the set and talking to Jason Sudeikis who is playing the lead role.(Jason is really nice, although he spends an inordinate amount of time on his hair. He's also insecure about his third nipple, but only I know that about him, because he confides in me). And Helen Mirren  has signed on to play mom (Her English accent is fake. She's really from Hoboken N.J., but only I know that about her because she confides in me.)  And as the brother, my friend Allen. This is his star vehicle. People will say "You're a genius for finding him. he's hilarious!". And then Allen will be beholden to me for ever.

Actually, the more people beholden to me the better, so I'll imagine having all my actor friends in the movie,  Margaret Ann, Anne Marie, Denise, Sheila, Joe, Jenn, Bruce, Connie, Dayle, David, Stacy, Susan and other genius actor friends playing in the supporting roles. It's gonna be one huge party! AND EVERYONE WILL BE BEHOLDEN TO ME!! WAHAHAHAHAHA! Ha.

Then one day, some P.A I've never met will walk up to me and say, "Um excuse me, aren't you the writer?" and I'll be all flattered, expecting a compliment and say, "Why yes, that would be I" and then they'll say, "The director wants you off the set because it makes everyone uncomfortable every time you scream, NO! NO! THAT IS NOT HOW I WROTE IT, STOP KILLING MY BABIES!" and as I'm escorted out they'll add, "Besides, didn't you know?  No one cares about the writer, so beat it!".  Even in my fantasies I'm not welcome.

What care I, if I'm not welcome on set? I still got paid suckers!!!

So friends, I will be on the set of So Long Lefty if you need moi (pardon my French).

My Balls Are Dropping

My 'Pink Cloud' burst and now I need a 'Pink Umbrella'.  What does this mean?  Who cares. Nothing matters. I suck. All right, I'll stop feeling sorry for myself.  The Pink Cloud metaphor in AA describes the mental place a person is when they first become sober. At first, it's all new, it's exciting, staying sober is easy (or relatively easy). It's sort of the honeymoon period of AA.

My honeymoon is over. The past couple of days I've had what you might call a crisis of faith in my YOLJ project. I'm happy to say, that I'm back on track now, but the last two days sort of sucked. I started questioning the whole Law Of Attraction thang. Where is my $44 mil? WHERE??? But then I thought, "this is an experiment, pretend you're a scientist, how would a scientist approach this?" So I donned my white lab coat, 'coke bottle' spectacles, mussed my hair, grabbed a microscope and began speaking with a German accent. Many of these items left over from my last show titled, Scientist Stereotypes.

Wikipedia says about experiments, "An experiment is a methodical procedure carried out with the goal of verifying, falsifying, or establishing the accuracy of a hypotheses."

My Hypothesis: Our thoughts have energy and interact with the laws of the universe.

Wikipedia's definition of LOA: "...Positive and negative thinking bring about positive and negative physical results, respectively. According to LOA, the phrase "I need more money" allows the subject to continue to "need more money". If the subject wants to change this they would focus their thoguhts on the goal (having more money) rather than the problem (needing more money). This might take the form of phrases such as "I have as much money as I need" or "I have a job that pays very well"...like attracts like.

When I begin thinking negatively, I must change my thought to something positive. Not always easy to be sure. And true, I'm having trouble seeing with these coke-bottle glasses, but it's all part of being a scientist. Scientists don't quit after a month and they don't comb their hair (no time, they're too busy doing science stuff).

So maybe my experiment isn't as cut and dry as proving gravity "If I throw this ball in the air it will drop to the ground". My experiment deals with the mind...MY mind, which, lets face it, can be at times an unpredictable, often scary place.

I gave this project a year. It's time to turn up the Joy volume, yo! I said, I'M TURNING UP THE VOLUME! So to speak, I said SO TO SPEAK! I have no idea what that means, but it sure sounds like I mean business and that's what I'm all about, business and the meaning of such.

I know, some of this is confusing, but whatever, the gist is, I'm a scientist working on an experiment and I'm turning up the sound or volume or something while meaning business. I'll keep you posted on if that ball stays in the air.

I Want To Punch My Own Face In

Yesterday, I wanted to punch my own face in.  I have this wonderful friend, we'll call her Cheryl to protect her identity, because, the name Cheryl sounds nothing like, Tanya, which is her real name...oops. 

So yesterday I was talking about what's been going on with moi (pardon my French) and we got into me quitting my job and how Law Of Attraction allowed me to do that. Now understand, I TOTALLY get that not everyone is on board with this whole LOA thang and I'm not here to convince anyone, because I myself still have this kernel of "come on, it can't be this easy" doubt.  So anyway, I said to Tanya, "I want to convince you to quit your 'money' job too." And she said, "I can't, I don't have a financial cushion, like you do Julie". So I was like, "that doesn't matter" and THAT is when I wanted to punch my face in.  

What a sh*t stain way for me to respond. I shoulda just said, "I get ya girlie", and then given her a huge tongue kiss, but then SHE woulda punched my face in (I mean, she likes me, but she doesn't like me like me.)  This morning I began thinking about our conversation and how Tanya and my circumstances seem different.  Yes, we do have some money in the bank that we got after selling our house in Boston. But this isn't money to be spent. This needs to go right back into a house. So, barring that money, we are (my husband says) working on a deficit. But as some hip hop singer said, "I ain't tryin' to hear dat". I'm trying to feel abundant, blah, blah, freaking blah. But, cushion or no cushion, deficit or no deficit, none of that is supposed to matter if one is living LOA. It's all about belief. What one believes is what's important. Not "reality", but "vibrational reality".

Maybe Tanya doesn't have a  "cushion" of money, but, I think she's way more talented than me and THAT's money in the bank as far as I'm concerned. Talent is a huge, fat very comfy, fluffy, brocade cushion.  I guess the difference betwixt she and I is that I believe I can afford to quit my job to pursue my dream. I just need to vibrate my way into more money, writing jobs, acting in porn, etc., right? RIGHT? I don't know.

As of today this YOLJ project is still new and maybe I'm on what they call in AA a 'Pink Cloud'. I'm reveling in not having to go clean houses and excited about blogging and  finding it easy (way easier than ever before) to have fun focusing on my dream life. My question is, will this last? Time will tell. It sure FEELS like good things, positive, hopeful things are happening faster than ever. The question is, am I responsible for this or is it just coincidence?  LOA say's I AM responsible, that it's a direct result of my living joyfully and focusing. My job was holding me in a place of "non-allowance" and now the job is gone, therefore the resistance is gone and I'm able to allow what I want to come to me. The mere fact that I've been deliberately sending out positive vibrations is responsible, that like attracts like (as in a magnet) and so the more positive vibes I send out, the more come back to me. Abraham say's "You are the vibrational writers of the script of your life."  Am I beating this poor deceased horse into glue yet?

So my question is, can Tanya do this too? Does it matter that she's in a different place financially than we are?  LOA say's no. But again, can it really be that easy?  I guess that is EXACTLY why I'm doing this whole experiment.  I quit my job so you don't have to.

An Ode To Blogging

Ode To Blogging

A write a wrong

A sing a song

A will a won’t

A do a don’t

A rave

A rant

A narcissistic chant

A note

A story

A sharing of some glory

A roast

A toast

A boast

A monologue of dreams

Or other droll schemes

A bore

A chore

A please read more

A me

An I

A recipe for pie

A think

A thunk

And lots of other junk.

Great, Now I'm Bored.

I quit my job, now what? I'm bored. Great, now I don't have an excuse not to pursue my dreams. Crap. Inspiration is supposed to tell me what to do next, right? Inspiration, hello, I'm here, waiting...hello?...Inspiration?... where art thou?  Oh there you are.

I'm gonna start video blogging. I'm struggling with the disconnect betwixt writing and talking. Like, when I speak, I have intonation and inflection and wacky, (some would say unbecoming) facial expressions to help get across what I'm trying to express.  Would you guys watch a video blog? Would I watch a video blog? Whenever I've seen one (which have not been many) I think,"ew, bad lighting, sound and no production values". I guess the producer in me comes out. Hmmm, I'm gonna have to think about this.  I don't have a camera in my computer, but I do have a camera that, apparently I can mount on my computer. Sorry, I'm saying aloud what I should be saying in my head. Well isn't that what a blog is anyway, head thoughts? Opposed to what, elbow thoughts? (Oh boy if my elbows could talk, the things they would say. Probably, "How about a little attention down here! What, you have something against moisturizer?" Apparently my elbows are an old Jewish man) Anyway, perhaps I'll get my procrastinating butt up and mount that camera and then hire a huge production staff to build a set, rig some lighting and wire me for sound (I won't do any of that). We'll see. It'll be a surprise to all of us.

So the house saga continues, I shouldn't say 'saga' that sounds negative, it's the house adventure! So if you'll recall, we found a house that is a wicked good price. Well as it happens, someone put in an offer before us that was accepted. We are now the back up offer. Well what does Law Of Attraction say about this? I mean, I focused, held positive thoughts with as little resistance as possible and it didn't happen (or hasn't happened yet). Know what? I'm trusting that the Universe is working it all out. I don't need to know the details, I just need to have faith that everything is always working out for me whether I know it or not and I'm gonna keep focusing.

Oh, I just had another inspiration pop in my head, I'm going to go to houses in the neighborhoods I like best and leave a note in their mailboxes asking if they are thinking of selling. My skeptic brain which seems to be the healthiest (if not the loudest) part of my brain says "leave a note? What're you stupid? That won't work! That's not how things work, you stupid dumb, stupid, stupid dumb head". Sorry, my skeptic brain isn't very clever when it comes to name calling. I'm slowly starving that part of my brain, so will NOT listen and I WILL leave the notes. I'll let you know how it goes.

I Got The Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy Down In My Heart, Where? I said, DOWN IN MY HEART! What're you deef?

I got the Joy, Joy, Joy....did you sing that song in Bible School too?  Yep, I went to Vacation Bible School when I was a kid. What I remember most about it is that they served cookies with Kool-Aid. The Kool-Aid and cookie combo? Not so delicious. Everyone knows two clashing sweets don't mix. MILK is for cookies, can I get a "What, What!"? The whole thing was bullsh*t! Damnable country hicks, what did they know about dessert combinations, or JESUS for that matter?

Did you know that your parents beat you because they love you? Yep, learned it in Vacation Bible School. So apparently my parents did NOT love me, because they didn't beat my sorry ass. Which frankly, if I was MY parent, I woulda tanned my hide but good as often as possible. "I'm gonna tan your hide!" my dad would warn. but he never did. Then in high school when a tanned hide was cool, it was the baby oil that did the hide tanning my father always threatened. THANKS FOR NOT LOVING ME DAD!

I have no idea where that diatribe came from, but I ain't questioning myself too much these days and so's it's stayin', I'm just sayin'. Don't ya'll love my down-home way of talkin' or writin', as it were? No? Oh, okay. I guess I am feeling pretty joyful today. Last cleaning job and all. I'm so messed up, I keep thinking, how can I get out of going to this job today?  Since I've decided to give up the dirty life as a cleaner, each job has seemed more torturous than usual.  It's been nice though because every client, when I told them that I would no longer be cleaning for them, pretended to be really sad about it.  "What? It took me 10 years to find you!"

Actually as I write this, I'm late for my last appointment. I DON'T WANT TO GO! Poor Mike. What's he gonna do fire me?? HA!!!

OH MY GOD YOU GUYS, YOU TOTALLY WON'T FUCKING BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED! Forgive my shouting at you, but what happened was, I just called Mike to tell him I was leaving now and will be late and he goes, "Oh my gosh, I've been meaning to call you to tell you, you didn't have to come this week because I'm under construction". WHAAAAAT???!!!!!! I'm laughing so hard right now. I'm just so, like, what the fuck!? I'm sorry, I promised myself I wasn't going to swear in my blog, but WHAT THE FUCK, YOU GUYS!? Did I just totally manifest that or what?  Yes I did, Dan S.!!! I'm freaking magic! Okay, maybe I"M not magic, but the Universe is.

What you all need to know, if it isn't clear to you, is that I was totally skeptical when I started this YOLJ project. I just wanted an excuse to quit my stupid-ass cleaning job. But, things seem to be happening so fast and furious I can't help but believe that Law Of Attraction is responsible.

There are other really sort of magical things that have been happening that I've haven't shared with you (I'm trying to keep the blog shorter, rather than longer and I'm sorry I used the word "magical", I know, it made me throw up in my mouth a little too). But quickly I'll share that, in conjunction with everything else a new opportunity has presented itself to Chip and I that will pay us a large sum of money in a relatively short period of time. Yes, they call it a "scheme" and yes it's shaped vaguely like a thing in Egypt where they buried Pharaoh's, but we're told we can't lose! Ha, kidding. But, yes it's true that a very interesting investment has appeared to us and we're taking it and I won't bore you with the details but just know that it is something we've wanted for a while and now as of two days ago, the perfect opportunity hasn't presented itself and we're taking it.

If someone ELSE was saying to me all the things I'VE been saying, about all the great things that are manifesting in their life because of LOA blah, blah, blah, I'd be all like, "Whatever, stupid person, it's happening because it's happening, not because of any focusing or joyful living that you're doing. So shut up stupid person, I can't stand you...stupid person". But it's happening to ME and although yes, I am indeed a 'stupid person', I can't deny that the speed in which all this good sh*t is coming my way, coinciding with my YOLJ project is weird and perhaps coincidental but to me it seems  LOA is at work. Yikes, I just reread that last sentence and I'm even annoying myself. Sorry skeptics, just know that usually I'm filled with self-doubt, dark thoughts, worry and am prone to mild depression. Take hope in the fact that maybe this joy thang is just temporary and I'll be back to my self-doubting, other people-doubting, negative, worrying self soon enough!

Now off to wine tasting!

Penultimate Cleaning Job

Yip-frickin-pee, just finished my second to last cleaning job!

Since I wrote the "I'm a Poser" post & decided to definitely quit my job, I cannot believe how fast things are coming. Truly, I'm freaking out a little. I didn't expect this, well, I did, but I didn't. I hoped for it, I must have thought it was possible or I wouldn't have done it, right? Why am I asking you? See? Told you I was freaking out!

When I decided to begin this, Year Of Living blah, blah, blah project, where I would quit my "money" job and begin living more joyously and focusing on abundance and choosing to feel better, and just by doing those things, that in a year I would be making a living at writing and performing and I would have 1 million dollars in my bank account. It's happening you guys, no word of a lie.

If you've been following my posts then you know about the house buying saga. So yesterday we went to look at the house I've been focusing on and whilst we were there, our agent said, "hey I'm headed over to this other place, it's an amazing deal, want to see it?", "yes", said we. So, we're buying that house.  He was right it is an unbelievably amazing deal and much larger/better than the house I've been focusing on. Did I mention we've been looking a year with no luck?? Now suddenly in 3 weeks, just since I've started this blog & focusing blah-bidee-blah, 3 viable houses have cropped up, each one a better opportunity than the last.  Again, is it Law Of Attraction?  Who knows.  But whatever it is, I be liking it. I'm gonna go focus going to the gym now. See you tomorrow (or maybe Monday, tomorrow is last job day and wine tasting day).

I Won $44 Million Dollars!!!

Okay, so no I didn't win $44,000,000 but I'm acting as if I did.  And no, I'm not wiping my butt with money...yet.  But I am getting into the feeling of what it would it would be like to clean my freshly poo'd fanny with Uncle Sam's own currency. I'll  use quarters, it's cheaper.

Yesterday I purchased a lottery ticket and you all know how that works, you buy the ticket and BAM instant millionaire. And as soon as 11 pm rolls around, it's SEE YA, SUCKERS! I know, I know, it doesn't actually work that way. Or does it? No. Julie, are you sure? Yes um, sort of...no, well, maybe, Law Of Attraction say's it can be that easy. Oh, Julie, COME ON STOP BEING AN ASS-TURD!  Jeepers, no need to call names. I know,  maybe I'm being stupid, or am I? I don't know! Hey me, stop tormenting me!

That's the dialogue in my head. But for the sake of my YOLJ project I'm not listening to the skeptic, so I guess I am gonna be an ass-turd.  The idea is for me to test the Law Of Attraction theories to see if they work. So basically I'm being an ass-turd so you don't have to. You're welcome.

So I did, I bought a lottery ticket. The laws of attraction say that if I can get myself into a place of non-resistance and focus on the feeling of what having $40 mil feels like, but without feeling the absence of the it. Meaning I should get into the feeling just for the fun of it, and not for the actual manifestation, that if I do that what I want must manifest. You know what?  I'm not explaining it too well, If you are interested, you can go to this link and hear it explained by Esther Hicks (it's in two parts, this link is part one).  http://www.lawofattractioninteraction.com/lottery.php#

My pledge to you is,  if I win, oops, I mean when I  win, I'll buy you all cars. (I'm talking to YOU my actual followers who've clicked, "follow", if you want a car, you know what has to be done!). So why don't you all imagine driving in the car I'm going to buy you. Isn't it fun? That's right, you're driving on a country road, going slightly over the speed limit, wind in your hair, favorite CD playing and LOOK OUT! Your car is on fire! Get out, get out, get out!!  Okay, so I gave you a 1997 Hyundai Accent with a tricky ignition, I didn't say I'd buy you a NEW car...greedy.

I reiterate, LOA says that if you can get yourself into the feeling, the state of mind, as it were, of what it would be like to have what you want, without feeling the absence of what you are thinking about, then it must come. I'm using this whole year for testing out this theory.

Today I'm going to imagine having $44,000,000. I'm going to write down who I'm giving money to and where I'll travel and all the friend's rents I'll pay, and how great it will feel when I'll finally own that army of robot dolphins. I'll let you know when and where to pick up your cars.

Quickly (or not) I'd like to share with you, how I feel LOA has been working for me recently. I wrote in an earlier post that we are in the process of looking to buy a house, we've been at it for a year now. But since I've started this blog project I've been doing a lot of deliberate focusing, esp. about the house and getting into the feeling blah, blah, blah.  Well suddenly we have two places available to us.  One we think we can afford and the other we think is above our range. (I PROMISE I'll get to the THINKING & BELIEVING part of LOA later). I've talked about the Los Angeles house before and that it's above what we wanted to spend. But I began deliberately focusing on the house anyway. The first thing that happened, that felt sort of miraculous, is that the house, which was on the market only 5 days, dropped by $80,000. Eighty grand after only 5 days? That is unheard of.  Is this LOA at work? Is it an actual manifestation of my deliberate focusing? I don't know. But it feels like it to me and I choose to believe it is. So anyway, even after the price dropped we still felt that  it's above what we can afford. But  not to be deterred  I kept focusing and imagining the joy of living in the house and this past Wednesday we got a call from someone saying that they'd advance us whatever extra money we needed to purchase the house.  Again, LOA?  Now though it's a matter of, can we pay this person back?  Still  I will not be deterred. I'm not going to worry about that now and just keep focusing on the joy of the house and trust that if I keep doing that, with no resistance, the answer (or loan free money) will come, it will all be revealed. Today we're going back to look at the house, just for fun. I'll let you know how it goes.

I'm A Poser

So, I haven't quit my stupid ass cleaning job yet. The plan was to do it July 1st and start filling my time with joyful wonderful fun activities and then share with you guys about how filling my time with joy is making good things happen for me, and how all the things that I want are coming to me, because I'm focusing on joy. Then I postponed it to, I'll quit at the end of the summer, thinking, okay THEN I'll be in a better place, a better vibrational place to quit my job (Law Of Attraction says that we are more vibrational than we are physical). WHAT THE F AM I WAITING FOR? I mean for cripes sakes, my whole post yesterday was about lining up with what want! I'm sorry I'm shouting at you, but it's me I'm shouting at. I'm all, (please, while reading the following quotes use an annoying, whinny voice in your head) "line up with it" and "if you line up with what you want, everything will be okay...blah, blah, blah". What a freaking poser I am! Here I am writing a blog about how I'm gonna quit my job and live more joyfully and I haven't done it yet, because I'm scared.

Yes, it's true, I have been working on doing more joyful things. AND I've been working on choosing better feeling thoughts and yes I've been trying to focus my way into getting things that I believe will make me happier (house, money, a robot dolphin, etc). But again, the ONE thing, the BIG thing, the REASON for this whole Year Of Living Joyously blog was about quitting my job, the job that takes up much of my time and energy, the job I don't necessarily enjoy (sometimes it's okay, I try to be Zen about it) and start doing things that make me feel good instead (writing, hiking, performing, riding robot dolphins,etc.).

I'm scared. Today I have two cleaning jobs and although I'm appreciative for the money, but it's not how I want to make my money or spend my time. And I truly do feel that as long as I hold myself in this place, the place where I think I need to work a job I don't enjoy to make a living, then the things I want won't come to me.  So I'm making a pledge to myself and to you, I will quit my job this Sunday at 1 pm (after cleaning Mike's place, he's sweet, I don't want to leave him in the lurch). Then Sunday at 2pm, Chip and I are going to drive to wine country and go wine tasting, because THAT kinda shit makes me happy.

Line Up With It Yo!

The Law Of Attraction (LOA) says that there are no wrong decisions, that if you make a decision, as long as you 'line up' with it, then it will be the 'right' one.  So then why when I sold my cow for some magic beans did it turn out so badly? Because I didn't line up with it, that's why. If I did, I could be living in the sky with a golden goose and a dead giant. How does one 'line up' with something? I think I've figured it out.

My husband and I are in the process of looking to buy a house. We began looking in Los Angeles, but have discovered that the houses here are more expensive than we 'think' we can afford, (I put think in quotes because it's all about belief, I'll get back to that another day). So anyway, we opened up our search to the Boston area (where we are originally from). We've owned investment property there before. The houses are more in what we "think" is our price range (Again, it's all about what we believe we can afford).  So here is the dilemma, okay not a dilemma, but our choice; Do we buy the house we saw this past weekend in Boston, that is within our "price range" and keep renting the place we live in here in L.A.? OR do I wait to see if the house that I REALLY love in L.A., (which is $100,000 more than we planned to spend)  If I want the latter, I'm gonna have to do some serious focus work and trust that no matter the  amount of money it costs, it will be ours. Then I started thinking, well if it's all about focusing, then why can't I have both houses? Why can't I have 10 houses??  But I digress, we're talking about lining up right now.

So here is the thing; Whether we buy the Boston house or the L.A. house is of no matter, what matters is, whatever we choose, we have to LINE UP with it. (well I have to, my husband doesn't necessarily believe in the whole LOA thang, I'm lining up for two). Lining up with something means that I get to decide that whatever choice we make IS the right choice. Lining up is about making a choice and then looking for the positive aspects of that choice. For example, The Boston house is close to everything and public transportation. It's old and still has all the great original moldings and heavy doors, it's also in really good shape. It has two porches and a playground across the street. The Boston property will garner enough rent to give us a positive cash flow. We've been absentee landlords for almost 10 years and it's always worked out for us amazingly well and I believe it will keep working out for us.

On the other hand if  if we buy the L.A. property, I will find all the positive aspects of THAT house. It's amazingly beautiful and brand new everything. The yard is ENORMOUS! It has 3 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms, I've never had a house that big and beautiful. I will have huge parties! It's big enough that we can move my in-laws in with us if need be. And although it's above our believed price range, I need to trust that, if I line up with it, the money will come and I don't need to worry about how it will come. So either choice is the RIGHT choice, just by the mere fact that I've decided it is. Wow, that feels so good. It feels powerful. It's almost like being able to foretell the future.

You know what? I just realized something. I've always had amazing luck with cars. I used to brag about this to people. I'd tell them that when I bought a car, I had to have a feeling about it. All that feeling was, was me 'lining up' with what I wanted, right?  And when you line up with something, LOA says it MUST work out. Now that I think of it, this has been true about other major purchases in my life. Conversely when I've regretted a purchase and felt conflicted about it, such as them damned magic beans,  it doesn't seem to work out as well. I just got lamo beans, sure beans are good and good for you, but DUDE, not as good as a magical golden sky goose! Hmm, so LOA has been working on me all along and I didn't even realize it. Line up and magic happens, don't line up and all you get is beans. So line up, my bitches, line up! 

Don't Be 'The Dink'

Baz Lurhman says, worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. Intellectually I 'get' this. So then why do I still try and balance my checkbook by munching on a piece of Bazooka?  

Worry. Fear. Doubt. Why are those feelings more accessible to me than say, Hope, Courage, Confidence? WHY? I mean, they're all just emotions.  Why does it seem easier to go negative than positive? Why do you, for example, never hear anyone saying, "I was awake all night with HOPE!". Wouldn't it be great to say one day, "I woke up at 3 am with my brain buzzing about how GREAT EVERYTHING IS GOING!" or "I couldn't stop thinking about how I HAVE SO MUCH EXTRA MONEY!" or "I was awake for an hour thinking, I ALWAYS SMELL LIKE FLOWERS!" or even, "THAT THING I SAID TO THAT PERSON ABOUT THAT THING, WAS SO CLEVER AND SO SPOT ON, I DON'T WISH I SAID ANYTHING ELSE! .

A good friend told me a story about how she went on a tour of Alaska with a friend and the whole time the friend worried about getting ripped off as a tourist. So my friend, we'll call her Denise, because that is her name, Denise said, from now on I've made a promise to not be "The Dink" in any situation.  I think those are words to live by. Don't Be The Dink. And if you find yourself being a Dink? Stop it. No one likes a Dink, not even other Dinks.

So I'm gonna try (at least for today) to access the positive feeling rather than the negative.  I invite ya'll to try it too (Don't ya'll find my down-home speak preciously adorable?). If you do, (try accessing the positive I mean) will you let me know how it goes? COME ON, don't be a dink, just try it.  

Trying To Live Joyously is Friggen' Hard!

Trying to live joyously is friggen hard!  Every time I find myself going to a place of fear or doubt, whether it be, "what am I going to do for more money?" OR "Why did I eat that thing, now I'm fat!" OR "my ass is wet because I'm sitting on a bench that has probably just been pee'd on by a homeless person!", I have to stop myself and remember the abundance in my life. It's all about searching for the better feeling thought.  So if I find myself worrying about my ass getting fat, I think instead, "well at least I have a fat ass, because some people don't have an ass at all" Can I get a what what?

What I do find difficult and forgive me if I'm repeating myself, but what is difficult is not letting other people's worries and fears trickle into my own head.  For instance, right now I'm in Maine sitting  on a dock over-looking the most beautiful lake in the universe, staying at the most beautiful inn in the universe (The Kawanhee Inn, Weld Maine in case you were wondering) and there is the faintest smell of hickory smoke from the fires in the cabins. No the cabins aren't ON fire, the fires are in the fireplaces :).  So anyway, t'other night there was a very brief  (& exciting) severe lightening & thunder storm and the power went out in the whole town.  This meant that for a day and a half we had no lights or water (couldn't flush the toilet, etc). Candles were scarce and it's REALLY dark up here in the woods.

So there we all were, standing in the lobby, thankfully the bar was still open! But there was this gentleman staying at one of the cabins and he was having trouble coping with the fact that we had no power. All evenign long he kept walking around, complaining to everyone he met, "I can't believe they don't have a generator!" and lamenting that his food might go bad in the refrigerator and that he couldn't take a shower and, "I can't believe they don't have a generator!" blah, blah, blah.  I had to get away from this guy, it was starting to affect how I was feeling. So I went outside and what I noticed was how amazingly bright the stars were. I guess, with all the ambient light from the buildings, they never seemed as bright. It was breath taking. Then in the a.m., when the complainy dude was cursing for not being able to have coffee or a hot breakfast, my husband and I decided to venture out into the little town to see if anyone had power and wouldn't you know it, the little bakery up the street was open and everyone from the town was there!  I've never had more delicious cinnamon cake. We got to meet the "mayor" and other town-folk. We learned about all the fun things to do in the area the tourists don't know about.  It was truly a gift. And it would never have happened if the power hadn't gone out.

So, I suppose the old adage is true, miracles can happen if you just let them. We saw miracles where the complainer only saw problems. I'm not patting myself on the back or anything (I would pat myself on the back but I have cruelly short arms) Seriously though, believe you me, I can complain with the best of them. Do NOT try to out complain me, you'll just end up complaining about how I'm such a better complainer than you are.  But mark my words, MARK THEM, I SAY, from now on I'm gonna try to look for the miracles in what seems like bad situations OR at least relax and let the miracles happen. Like I said 'afore, it's all about searching for the better feeling thought. Why feel bad when you can feel good?  I know it's HARD, but don't be an asshole, just try it!

Okay, I'm off to see the manager to let the him know about the broken toilet in our room. It's not complaining, it's just good hygiene!

Currently Betwixt Jobs

I'm not 'out of work', I'm between jobs. I'm on hiatus, I'm looking at my options, I'm exploring new horizons, I've decide to take some time off, I'm deciding to spend more time with my TV. I've decided that my life's purpose is to watch as many cat videos as possible in a 24 hour period, it's important work, don't judge me.

So, yes I quit my job, because I have this wacky notion that quitting a job that doesn't give me joy and instead filling my days with things that do give me joy, will  bring me a job I really enjoy. So I guess if someone asks me, "So Julie, what are you working on these days?", I'm gonna say "Oh my God, Michael Jackson is behind you with a knife and he looks like he means business!" then I'll run in the other direction. Because that will feel better to me than saying, "Oh, I'm vibrating my way to a new career". If I say that, a person might be inclined to ask, "oh you're going into the porn industry?" and then add, "aren't you kind of old for that?". So it's better to just make the person think that they are about to be killed by Michael Jackson who has returned from the dead, than to explain my whole, Year Of Living Joyously thang.

So I've been trying not worry about money  not worry about how it will come. I'm trusting that it will come and come in joyous ways and I don't need to wonder how or where it's coming from. I have to feel abundant now, in order to let more abundance in later. This is of course my understanding of the Laws Of Attraction. That said, Chip (my husband) and I got a call t'other day asking us to come audition for a new game show where we stand to win $100,000. Okay, weird right?

We've never done anything like this before. We don't hop the 'game show' circuit or anything. We don't look to be on game shows. But someone sent us a link, we filled out a form and today we're going in. Listen, I'm not saying "LOA is at work, see???" I'm HOPING it's LOA. It is LOA right? Isn't it?  Is it? WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME??? Oh, sorry.  Who knows. I guess when we come home with $100,000, THEN I'll be all, "It's working, it's working!" with no doubts, but now I'm still skeptical. Okay, this is when I LOA says I have to be all, "we are already abundant, I'm only going to this audition to experience the joy of it! I'm not doing it for the money, because we have plenty of money". I'm NOT supposed to think, "oh it would be nice to have that $100,000 that we don't have". I'm SUPPOSED to think, "oh it would be nice to have that $100,000 that we already have and don't really need, but it would be cool to have another $100,000 to keep the $100,000 we already have, company". OR I'm not supposed to think about it at all. Which is probably going to be easier.

So today, I will go to an audition for a game show that is looking for" fun energetic couples!" just for the fun of it, and maybe I'll be energetic, maybe I won't, I'll be whatever feels better.. And maybe we'll win $100,000 or maybe we won't. Either way, everything is always working out for me, whether I know it or not.

The Price Of Stuff

So my husband has been on the computer everyday for the past week trying to find the best deal on plane tickets for our flight to Boston. I want the best price as well.  So I need to 'vibrate' my way into getting what I want, right? How do I do that?  How I understand it is, I have to not worry about the price, so I'm not fighting 'against' what I want.

L.O.A. says that our economy is just an exchange of energy. So I'm trying to think of money as energy. It's like air, you breath in and breath out. When you exercise, you take in more air, but you don't think, uh oh, I better conserve the air, because there might not be enough. You just accept there will be enough, therefore there is enough. They say that money is the same thing. I choose to believe this. It feels better to think that money is unlimited and I want to feel better (yes, my head is in the clouds).

So Chip (my husband) finally acquiesced and paid what he thinks is too much for the tickets and he's pissed. I need to not let his attitude effect how I feel about money. I choose to believe that it's of no consequence how much the tickets are. We always have enough money, money comes when we need it, it always has. Chip feels 'the lack of' money and I want to feel the abundance of money. Okay, I'm still working on it, I go in and out. I have to remember not use his thinking be my excuse to feel bad about money. It ain't easy, to be sure. But that's what this year is about. It's about choosing to feel better. I choose to believe that the price of stuff doesn't matter, that we can afford what we THINK we can afford and  that we are now, already abundant.

Right now, I'm going to do something that makes me feel better so I'm going to go on Animalsbeingdicks.com. It's hilarious!

I Quit My Job So You Don't Have To

I started thinking, what do I want to accomplish with this blog? I want to document my life and experiences for one year using the tools given in the Abraham Hicks publications as well as Think And Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. Basically I will be using the Law Of Attraction to attract what I want in my life.

I believe (Okay, 'Hope' is probably more accurate) that by just living joyously I will attract my dream job (not a job dreaming, although that would be cool) but the job I've always dreamed of (except that one time when I dreamed I was waiting tables wearing a robot costume and all the people I was serving weren't people but dolphins and they kept complaining that the tuna fish wasn't 'people safe'). Anyway, I digress. So by living joyously (L.J.) I will attract my dream job, dream house and dream bank account.

"Hey Perkins, what the deuce does it mean to live joyously?" You ask?  I say to you, STOP WITH ALL THE QUESTIONS! Oh wait, sorry. No, that's a perfectly legit question I pretended that you asked me. I'm not exactly sure what it means. All I'm going to try and do is to feel grateful as often as I can. Feel abundance instead of "the lack of" and to do activities that I like more and try and minimize the activities I don't like. AND when I have to do more unpleasant activities I will try and find the joy in each moment that I'm doing it. It's about Feeling Better and by doing these things LOA say's that intuitive thoughts will spontaneously arise as to what the next right thing for me to do is (they better or I'll be so wicked pissed!).

The aforementioned books give tools as to how to go about feeling better. I will use those tools and let you know how it goes. And when at the end of the year I'm knocking at your door without a home and penniless and I'm  babbling something about ,"my life went to poo one year ago", then you can all say, "Oh so that's what happens when you quit your job and try and live joyously for one year! See? I'm going to quit MY job so you don't have to! You're welcome.

Keeping My Head In The Clouds

I'm a political news junky. I listen everyday to political podcasts on my Ipod, while I clean, in the car and at the gym. Recently I've decided to cut way down on this. Instead now I listen to music or story-telling or fun interview shows. I totally recommend the Marc Maron podcast. The reason I've decided to cut way back on listening to politics is, as I'm sure you've guessed, because it doesn't always make me feel good, in fact most of the time it brings up feelings of fear and anxiety. "Feel & feelings" are the operative words here. L.O.A. says that I need to pay attention to how I feel. When I began doing that (listening to how I feel), I realized,  listening to music or story-telling makes me I feel better, happier.

My husband says, "By ignoring the 'state of the world' aren't you just burying your head in the sand?". Yep. Actually a better way of putting it is, I'm putting my head in the clouds. I'm deliberately choosing to feel better. It seems so simple, yet not always easy to do.

Keeping my head in the clouds. I met a woman who said t me "If I'm waiting in a long line at the Post Office, instead of getting annoyed, I look for things to appreciate. I see a woman's outfit I like. Or I look for a baby to appreciate". She deliberately chooses to look for better feeling thoughts. I'm gonna do that.

A quote from and Abraham-Hicks workshop, "the more you deliberately choose better-feeling thoughts, the more easy and ready access you will have to much better-feeling thoughts."  They also say that, "like attracts like". So my thoughts are like a magnet. The more I feel good, then more thoughts will just appear that make me feel good. Okay, I'm on board. I'm gonna keep my head in the clouds as much as I can today. I'll let you know if there's a silver lining.

I Farted At The Gym

Firstly, let me say "hey, hey, hey" to Jean, Carol and Ham, my three followers (that word is still weird to me).

So yeah, I farted at the gym and I'm sorry, but I'm not going to apologize for it. I'm only going to apologize for not apologizing.  It was a little, you know, ppht, barely audible, well at least I thought so, because I was wearing my noise cancelling headphones, which brings up the question, if one farts and cannot hear it, did a tree fall in the forest? The answer is, there is no answer for such a deep philosophical question.

After I did it (blow-poo'd as the Irish say) I looked up and in the mirror, a dude on the machine next to me was looking at me smiling broadly. HEY! I can't help that he doesn't wear fart noise canceling headphones! I should've just laughed with him and said, "Mexican food", but no I walked away quickly, all embarrassed.

You're wondering, why is she bringing this up and what does this have to do with living joyously for goodness sakes? Well, I'll tell you.  It was how I handled it. I was dishonest about it. Walking away.  What I should have done, and what I will do in future (I eat a lot of Mexican.....FOOD! Not people, although I'm sure the Mexican people taste delicious!) what I will do in the future is stand proudly and yell, "YEP I FARTED, AREN'T I ADORABLY HUMAN?" and then after the staff has told me to leave, I can say, "THEY CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH" because I like to quote Jack Nicholson movies. And then I'd say to myself, "look at you Julie, being all honest and stuff, owning up to your humanness aren't you the shiznit?" And I'll answer, "yes, and don't forget adorable!".

What I'm finding out about myself through this blog thang, is, that I don't want to lie anymore. I feel like I cover  "the truth" about myself with humor, if I joke about it, for instance if I say, "One thing I'm not proud of is my herpes. Don't get me wrong, I used to be, but now everyone I've slept with has them. It's just not cool anymore." (Oh did I mention I occasionally do stand up?) A person will think, ha! A joke! It's not real! But is it? Only me and my vagina know for sure...and my doctor, she knows. Okay, so I don't have herpes. The point is, if I did I'd want to be honest about it. Now, I almost wish I DID have herpes, so I could be honest about it, and you (my three followers) will be all, "wow, Julie is so honest, I admire that...and she's pretty adorable too".

My point is that, I'm going to try and not cover the truth in this blog. To be honest and forthright. I don't want to bog myself down trying to be funny writing this. It's about my experiences of trying to live joyfully and if I'm always worrying about, "is that funny?" Then it'll end up not being as joyful.  Does that make sense?

So 'afore I go, one really joyful thing that happened yesterday was of course (if you've read the previous posts) The house we are interested in came down $80,000. The house was on the market 5 days! 5!  So anyway, what my task now is, to keep thinking happy thoughts about living in that house. In reality the house is still above our price range, but the Laws Of Attraction say that is of no consequence. I just need to vibrate my way into it. The "manager" (The Universe) is taking care of it, so I don't have to. So that's what I'm doing ya'll, I'm vibrating.  I know some of you are thinking, "whatever Perkins" and that's cool. But let's see what happens, shall we?  I'm gonna go vibrate now.

Woke Up In A Panic Saying "What the 'H' did I do?"

First I'd like to say hello to JEAN! My first customer, what do you call someone who is following your blog? Follower? That sounds too cultish. How about my first 'disciple', yes that's much better, insert smirk face here. JEAN I will name my first born after you. HA! Joke's on you, there isn't gonna be any childrens coming outa these old dried up prunes for ovaries, no siree.

Secondly, as you can see, I changed the look of the blog, got rid of the TV, it was too confusing and I didn't want to futz around, so it's plain. Maybe someday when I get all computer savvy, I'll change it.

So yes, I woke up this morning thinking, "jeepers, why did I tell the world  I'm a G.D. House Cleaner? WHY? (Okay not the world, but Jean...for now, the WORLD will be mine soon, yes you will! But don't worry WORLD, I'll take good care of you. I'll put you on my shelf and dust you once a week and give you water when you need it and I promise not too let my cat play with you. But I digress)  I don't usually tell people, I'm a house cleaner. I usually say to people, "I'm a writer" or "I'm an actor" and whenever I say those two sentences i get a sick feeling in my stomach.  I feel like a fraud. Why?  I mean, I DO act and I DO write. I think it's because , when I hear someone say that I think "BORING another person who thinks they're an "actor" and a  "writer" please spare me your silly dream".

Can one call themselves something that doesn't give them enough money to live on?  After I tell a person, "I'm an actor/writer" I get, "so how do you make your money?" I usually scream, "Someone is behind you with a knife and they look like they mean business!" and when they turn around, I'm gone. When that fails, then I have to confess, "Um I have a house cleaning business" HA! "House cleaning business" what a load of crap.  Seriously Julie?  "business", I only say that too make myself sound more, what,  important?  HA!!! Important. Yes, I'm a high class cleaner, I use only green products and I'm almost fluent in English.  I'm such an assh#$%le. I scrub peoples floors for money!  I don't carry a brief case, I carry a mop. Yep. Whatevs. Well not no more, right? because that's what this blog is about, me changing all that?  Me not cleaning anymore, but doing only what makes me feel good, right?

In Law of Attraction (L.O.A.) they say, "pay attention to your feelings". I am and right now I feel like poo. I'm all insecure about this blog and revealing too much of my stupid life (You'll forgive me, I'm trying not to swear. I'm a swearer, a bad swearer and I made a commitment to not swear in my blog).  LOA says's "don't live in reality". That's wicked freaking hard, yo.  So I want to be honest with ya'll, but I'm struggling with being honest and still trying to not live in reality. But this blog is about my journey to getting what I want. So I'm just gonna keep writing. I'm going to try and not edit myself too much and I hope that's fine with you.

OKAY SOMETHING JUST HAPPENED! I was in the process of previewing this, to post and my husband said, "you know that house you we looked at?"  I was all, "You mean the one that is perfect in every way? Accept it's too expensive?" and he was all , "Yep" and I was all, "what about it?" and he said, "they dropped the price by $80,000" and I was "WHAT?" That doesn't happen! It's only been on the market for like a week and a half!  I must tell you, this is one of the things I've been focusing on and thinking about. I've been imagining myself in the house, having a Christmas party (I freaking love Christmas btw, you'll learn that later) and BBQ's and sitting outside on the patio writing. Having friends stay in our extra two bedrooms! I've just been daydreaming about it (which is what I'm supposed to be doing)  I'm so over the moon right now. Just wanted to let you know. Thanks!

My First Blog Post

Phew, I'm exhausted! Trying decide what my blog page should look like; what should the background look like? Not too feminine, not too corny, not too bright. I want it to be whimsical, but not silly. Then, What kind of font? What Template should I use?  I liked the T.V. although I fear it makes reading kind of hard and is it too much going on?  I usually need things to be simple, and clean. Not too confusing, know what I mean? But again, I like the T.V. image. It appeals to me, especially the sort of vintage aspect of it. I like vintage. Don't know why, but I do. I have a closet full of vintage dresses from the 50's and 60's. Maybe I'll change it (the page), let's see how it feels. Speaking of "how it feels" this brings me to why I started this blog.

What is my blog all about? It's about my Year Of Living Joyously. I've decided to start living my life in the most joyous way possible. What does that mean to me?  It means quitting my sucky ass job as a house cleaner.  Yep. I clean houses for rich people, okay they're not all rich and frankly I like all the people  I clean for. That was the first step in my decision to live joyously. Get rid of all clients I don't like. Actually it's not even that I don't like them, but I don't like the energy in their place, or it's too far to drive or whatever. Now I only clean places where I feel good, okay not "good" so much as better.  So full disclosure, I haven't quit my job yet. I'm giving myself to the end of the summer. I'm also an actor, but I haven't been pursuing that so much. I'm afraid to look for an agent ("I'm too old", "I don't have anything unique to offer", etc) So this is one of the things I want to change in my  year of living joyously.

My husband asks, how will you make money?  "Well", I say, "I'm going to vibrate my way into more money". He rolls his eyes and walks away.  How does one "vibrate" their way into more money?  Um, good question. I've been doing much reading of many books about the subject of attracting what one wants and basically how I've interpreted it is, that one just needs to THINK about having more money, but while I'm thinking about it, I must feel good. Feeling good is the key. Thus the whole "joy" part.  I cannot feel, 'the lack of'' money, I need to still feel abundant. So when I think about acquiring money I think, "well I have enough, I always have enough but I want more and the way I will make more is by doing something I love". What do I love?  I love eating. But that's not how I want to make money. I also love sleeping. But that's not how I want to make my money. I want to make money, acting and even more than that I want to make money, lots of money, writing.  Specifically writing for television and film. I've written many things for the stage, but now I want to write for a different medium, one that pays, yo.

I've have three completed screenplays. But who the hell hasn't? It's freaking L.A. for Pete's sake! People poop out scripts here! Oops, see? Now that's the kind of thing I need to work on in my Y.O.L.J.. I've written in the past few years, 2 comedies and 1 drama (which won an award for Best Drama in a the Story Pros screen writers contest).  So here is my commitment to myself and you and the reason I started blogging and as soon as I learn how to use my camera I'm going to film myself doing joyful things, like going to the beach, hiking, going to a museum or the movies, hanging out with my friends, going to classes, to wine tastings basically having a good time NOT working. I will NOT worry about money. By doing all this I believe everything that I want will come.

By the end of my year of living joyously I will have sold a screenplay(s) , gotten cast in various projects and will have a new home and one million dollars in my bank account.  That is what I want to vibrate into my life.

The books I'm reading and following the tenents as described in them are The Law Of Attraction, By Jerry & Esther Hicks (I'd recommend all books by them) & Think & Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill.

Until next time.

Julie Perkins
thelandofperkistan.com

P.S. please feel free to comment. But nice & supportive things only please! If you think all this Law Of Attraction stuff is crap, I honor that. But please honor that I'm trying something out here and I only want positive re-enforcement. Thank you all.