DANCE LIKE A MONKEY PLEASE

So I haven't posted in many months. Why you ask? Did I give up on my year of living blah, blah, blah? The answer is no, I've been living this past year looking to find joy and the feeling of abundance instead of the feeling of lack. I'm diligent about looking for things to appreciate, even if I have to force people to dance like a monkey for me (which I often do, nothing makes me more appreciative than watching friends look ridiculous for my viewing pleasure). 

The reason I haven't posted in a while is because I didn't feel inspired to.  I only do things that I feel inspired to do these days. I'm writing now because I felt inspired to share with you my "progress" since it's coming up on  a year since I quit my shitty-ass job and began this experiment in Law Of Attraction. And because I heard my friend Dee Rob wanted me too. (Thanks Dee!)

I don't know how to say this without sounding like a bragging douche, so I won't try;  This year has been the most amazing year of my life.  Not only am I talking about getting the 'stuff' I've been wanting, but I'm talking about my relationship with my husband has improved insurmountably, things with my in-laws have worked out in the most perfect and balanced way, fun jobs have been coming without me trying to find them, we got a free trip to NYC, I've written 13 episodes of a new pilot. And I guess the most amazing thing (the most amazing thing to me anyway) is that since I quit my job this past June, Chip and I have accumulated 3 houses and are now signing papers for the fourth. FOUR FUCKING HOUSES & WE DON'T HAVE JOBS! Money came in the most unexpected mind boggling ways.

WE DON'T HAVE JOBS! I needed to repeat that, sorry. But I'm floored when I think about it.  I won't say I don't know how it happened because I do. It was me focusing on the fun and forgetting the fear (feel free to roll your eyes or make the jerking off gesture, I would if I wasn't me). Truly. That's it.

Law Of Attraction, living it as much as I could. I'm not gonna say I didn't have my 'days', but when I did, I remembered that these are called "step one moments" and are necessary for expansion. I spent the majority of my days focusing on happier thoughts. I made lunch/coffee dates, I hiked, I napped, I wrote, I got tipsy, I had parties, I went to friends and brought pizza and we watched movies, I took classes, I stopped watching the news. I did whatever made me happy AND without all the guilt. I trusted that if I remained joyful everything I've been wanting will come. Did I mention 4 FUCKING HOUSES AND WE DON'T HAVE JOBS???

A Syphilitic Hobo & A Proctologist Walk Into A Bar

Think of the Universe as your very own Personal Assistant. But not just any Personal Assistant, the BEST, SMARTEST, MOST CLEVER, INVENTIVE, MAGICAL, SEXIEST W/ GREAT SMELLING BREATH, Personal Assistant in the world. WHATEVER you tell them to do, they do, no questions asked, accept, don't ask them to do windows. As I found out, that's the one thing they will NOT do. Whatever Personal Assistant, you think you're better than me? But I digress...

The thing about this magical P.A. is that they respond to what you think about. If you think about abundance (without resistance), they will give you more of that. If you think about lack, they will give you more of that. They don't judge what you think about, they just give you more of it. AND because this P.A. is so perfect, you don't need to know HOW he/she will give you what you want or make what you want happen, seriously, don't even try, just know, if you want it and have no resistance to getting it, then it shall be.

I'm working on feeling abundant. Last night I went out and decided that in my head (okay a warning; this is gonna sound crazy, like seriously, like, "holy crap, Julie has lost her mind" kind of crazy, like, being found wandering in a grocery store naked babbling about the end of the world, crazy.) But in my head I decided that I was a wealthy doctor, specifically a proctologist. I walked around thinking, "I'm abundant, because I check men's assholes for money, all day". And at first it was awesome. I looked in store windows and thought, I could buy that if I wanted to or I'm pay for my friends dinner, because I'm a wealthy Proctologist!

Butt (pun intended) then I started thinking, "wow, being a proctologist is a drag, nobody likes their Proctologist. No one ever say's, "Hey I'm gonna go see my Proctologist today,Yipee!! I love my Proctologist!" So I had to stop.

ANYWAY, my point is...my point is...what is my point? Oh, I know, be careful what you wish for? No, that's not it. My point is be grateful for what you have, well that's nice I guess, but that's not really my point. My point is, I don't really have one, but I do recommend, pretending.

Pretend in your head you already have what you want. Feel what it would be like. Hey it's Halloween, what better time to pretend? Just don't pretend you're an syphilitic hobo (that's MY costume this year).

You want better health? Pretend you are healthy. You want money? Pretend you have money. You want to be a Proctologist? Pretend you are, IN YOUR HEAD, not for reals because you could get in a shit-load (pun not intended) of trouble. Do all of this pretending in your skull.

If you want financial abundance, put on a nice outfit, walk around expensive stores, feel like you belong there. OR if you are in pain, go to the gym, feel healthy. Feeling anxious? Wrap an orange sheet around yourself then go to the airport and chant. do whatever you need to do to feel what it would be like to have what you want to have, s'all I'm sayin'.

I Can't Think Of A Clever Post Heading

I've been listening to Dr. Wayne Dyer lately. He's really terrific, I mean REALLY FUCKING great.  He suggested as an experiment, hold an image of anything, a feather, a kitten, a penny, whatever you want, in your imagination. Hold that image in your mind, surround it with love and light, if you do this several times, he says, the thing you were putting your attention to will begin showing up in your life.  I'm gonna try it. 

I'm gonna hold the image of a one hundred dollar bill in my head, yep, a crisp new one hundred dollar bill and I'll surround it with (insert several 'eye rolls' here) "light" and "love" whatever  and we'll friggen' see if this shit works, yes we will friggen' see. 

Okay I just did it and nuthin! THIS IS BULL SHIT! Where is my one hundred dollar bill, Dr. Wayne Dyer??? You know what? I think Dr. Wayne Dyer owes me $100! Don't you? But you know what is weird? I'm surrounded by kittens, feathers and pennies, what the??? (Insert 'winky face' emoticon here. I would type it in, you know, using the semi-colon and  right parenthesis , but I'm way to cool to do that)

Alright, be serious Perkins, actually I'm going to choose to focus on something frivolous, because if I focus on money then that feeling of lack creeps in (force of habit) and I know that doesn't work. So I'm gonna choose to focus on something whimsical, cause there is nothing that I like more than whimsy! (Say the word 'whimsy' using a pretentious English accent in a sentence and it's hysterical! Seriously, try it at parties and you can't lose)

I'm gonna focus on ribbons. I like ribbons, ribbons are fun and I even like to say the word ribbons. So I gotta go focus on some ribbons. I'll let you know when they start showing up.

Namaste bitches!

Vibrators

Are you a vibrator?  No I’m not talking about the kind your hide in your bedside table (although, those are GREAT). I’m talking about YOU, are YOU a vibrator? The answer is yes. Everyone is. EveryTHING is.

As you know from high school science, everything is vibrating, nothing is solid. It’s just our perception of these vibrations that determines how we experience anything. A rock? Not solid, it's just sub-atomic particles vibrating at a certain speed to give the illusion of being solid. Water? Moving particles as well, just vibrating/moving at a different speed than said rock, and we perceive water as liquid.

In the same way a rock or water is vibrating, so are our thoughts, more accurately our feelings. Our feelings ABOUT our thoughts or what we are thinking.  Positive thoughts which trigger positive feelings vibrate at a higher speed or ‘level’ than negative thoughts and feelings.

Think of  vibrations as a magnet, when two magnets are alike they are drawn to eachother. Same with Vibrations. LOA says, LIKE attracts LIKE. When you vibrate at a high level, that is to say, you have positive thoughts and feelings then more of those same thoughts and feelings (vibrations) are attracted to you. This works the same of course with negative thoughts and feelings.

I’m sure if you think about it you can pin point times in your life where it seems everything was going your way and then the times in your life when everything seemed to go wrong. It’s all vibrations baby!

So the trick is to feel good as often as possible. Sounds simple or maybe it doesn’t. When we are looking at “reality” and see something that is displeasing and therefore sending out a negative vibe or you just feel plain shitty, it’s not always easy to just change that thought or feeling instantly. It does take practice. There are methods suggested by Esther Hicks that I will get into at another time. Me? I’m getting better and better at being able to quickly if not instantly change my thoughts the more I do it. What are the ways you change your thoughts?

One way I deliberately change my thoughts is to take a nap, or listen to music, call a friend or watch kitten videos, curl my hair, go to Trader Joes (I friggen love Trader Joes). I also tell myself, everything is OKAY and I believe it.

Law Of Attractions says that everything is working out for you whether you know it or not. I now believe this. I didn’t always, but since I’ve started this whole Year Of Living Blah Blah Blah, I do.  And the best part of this BELIEVING is that I don’t need to KNOW HOW shit will work out, I just know that it will and that it will work out in a way that I could never have imagined.

Trust me on this. Don’t even try to figure out how this or that will work itself out. I promise you, you WON”T be able to do it as good as the universe. “But” you say, “But, there is no POSSIBLE way that this ‘thing’ going wrong will work out, no possible way! I mean, it’s done, the die has been cast, etc, etc”. I respectfully say to you, you are WRONG. If you hold positive thoughts, ‘it ‘( meaning your problem, or issue, or whatever) will work out in a way that you never imagined. Truly, I’ve said it before, it looks, tastes and feels like magic now with and now with more absorbency!

So are you a vibrator? Yes, are you a deliberate vibrator? Maybe. Once you become a deliberate vibrator and practice feeling good as often as possible, oh and, this is important, be EASY about it all. IF you are feeling like the back end of an alley cat with worms and can’t seem to change it, that’s totally cool, relax, don’t feel bad about feeling bad. BUT when you can coerce or just stumble into a good feeling, hopefully you can hold it long enough that more good feelings like it will come, then you will be in your “Vortex” (AKA Your Happy Place) THEN, all you’ve been wanting will come. It is my promise to you.

There Are No 'What Ifs' only 'What You Want To Be's'

So there is a decision we (Chip & I) have to make. We have to DECIDE whether we accept a counter offer for a house we are looking to purchase. Of course the price they countered with is higher than we wanted to pay.

What do we do? Do we still buy it? What if we can't make the 'numbers' work? What if it's too much? What happens if the market goes bad? What if? What if? What if?  STOP!

That was the old me.

This is the new me. NONE of those questions matter, there are no 'what if's' there are only 'what I want to be's". In other words, all I need to do is make a decision and then LINE UP WITH IT!

LINE UP WITH IT! Julie, why are you yelling at us???! Sorry.  But what the f*ck does 'line up with it' mean anyway?

Aligning with what you want is easy, all you have to do is...NOTHING! Okay, that's not the exact truth. What you need to do is RELAX and be HAPPY and point your boat downstream (previous post).

Abraham through Esther Hicks would say, "Get into your VORTEX". This is the word that Abraham uses to describe Being In a place of excitement, joy and inspiration. Never make decisions unless you are in your VORTEX. Don't take actions, unless you are in your VORTEX. When you are in your VORTEX you are in ALIGNMENT with all of your desires.

To get into your VORTEX, take it easy. Look at things to appreciate. Be happy with what you have.      Feel abundant. Basically do whatever you need to do to be happy. If I'm having trouble getting into my Vortex, I sometimes take a nap. I have a friend she lights candles to get into her Vortex another takes a bath, one meets a friend for coffee. Another goes for a bike ride.

Whatever makes you happy do it and it's a promise, if you are in your vortex often enough, the things that you've been desiring, whatever it is, peace, health, inspiration, relationships, rubber bands, canned tuna, a house, whatever, will start coming to you. It's been happening to me, really, I'm not shitting you. It's actually kind of weirding me out.

Once you are happy, inspirations will come, decisions can be made, actions can be taken.

Take A Boat Ride Down-Stream With Annette

Whatever your belief is, is what is. Can I make this less clear?  Once I believed I needed to work a shit job to sustain my career as a writer/actor. I no longer believe that. NOW, I believe in Annette. WHATCHOOTALKIN 'BOUT WILLIS?

We all have a net. A big, bouncy, indestructible, pink (Well, mine is pink anyway) net. The trick is believing in the net. I've named my net, Annette, because I have no imagination whatsoever.

I have to keep reminding myself of Annette as I walk this high wire called life. (What, we're at the circus now?)

Last night I met this most lovely person, we'll call her Nikki, because that is what her parents named her and everyone calls her that, and when you say, "hey Nikki" she responds, so why would I mess with it? Anyway, Nikki said, "I quit my job, because I hated it, then I got scared and took my job back".

Query, should Nikki have taken her job back when she got scared? Probably. Because as long as she is under the belief that she needs the job (that she hates) then it becomes true.  She asked me, "when you quit your job, did you have a cushion of money?" whether I had a cushion of money is of no consequence. But the truth is, the cushion of money came almost immediately AFTER I began BELIEVING in the cushion of money. I know, this sounds all magical and crap, but I'm learning that the Law Of Attraction feels, sounds and tastes just like magic (Now with a New Indescribable Scent!).

Abraham, through Esther Hicks uses the stream analogy. There is this really strong current happening in all of our lives. We've built this stream with our desire & wanting. Everything we want is DOWN-STREAM but most people, she says, point their boats UP-STREAM and then begin paddling really hard.

Abraham says, point your boat DOWN-STREAM and not only should you point your boat down-stream, but then LET GO OF THE PADDLES. Since everything we want, whatever it is, joy, love, health, floss, travel, money, robot, WHATEVER you want is downstream.

Re-reading this post in retrospect I think I shouldn't have combined the 'Net' analogy, with the 'Stream' analogy, I mean nets and water don't exactly mix, ask any Dolphin. But screw it. I think you get what I'm throwing at ya.

So get in your boat with Annette, pack some sandwiches, load up your I-Pod with your favorite tunes, relax and enjoy the ride down-stream.

 

Let shit be what it is.

Letting shit be what it is. I love this new philosophy. It's so much easier than worrying about shit. I have to keep reminding myself, "oh, right, I forgot I don't have to worry about this shit, because I'm letting shit be what it is".

AND WHAT'S EVEN BETTER IS knowing that whatever the shit is, I'm not going to label it good or bad. It just is. I just accept the shit. Not only am I trying to accept the shit, but to be grateful for the shit. Daz right, GRATEFUL! Don't be hatin' on me yo.

Just today some shit happened and I had to remind myself (several times), that the shits okay! I don't need to worry that we need to spend blank amount of money doing this shit for the house. I don't need to worry that we're shit minutes late for our writer's group. I don't need to worry that I parked in a shit spot now I have to pay a shit fine.

SHITS ALL OKAY YO! CAN'T YA JUST SMELL THE JOY IN IT??